Saturday, October 16, 2010

Am I Losing It Or What?

I am thinking the answer may be a great big YES.

I don't think I am bi-polar because I don't go days on a high and then days on a low.

No, I am more of an hour to hour mood swing kind a girl.

It really doesn't take my mood much time at all from great to CRAP.

A few days ago was a really great day. After that the days were so-so.
Yesterday was a crap day until I just about had a major meltdown.

And now I am better today.

Course something will probably piss me off today.
It usually does.

Or someone will say something and make me think about other things and I will get all sad and depressed.

I seriously confuse the hubby.

He doesn't get how I can be in such a good mood one minute and get so mad in the next.

That's a conundrum, that is.

Maybe the next time I get pissy I need to grab me a cup of tea.
Apparently there is supposed to be something in the tea to make a person relax.

I just might have to test that theory.

I love tea so I am sure that will not be a hardship.

Ya know, last night I started a post on here and read through it before posting.
I realized how pathetic I sounded and deleted it before publishing.

I know, I know. Everyone has their bad days.
But, no one likes a whiner.

But just writing it and reading it made me snap out of my funk.
At least for the time being.

Until the next time.

Being the best I can be is a work in progress.

It's like alcoholism.
Except the problems are all in my head, not in a bottle.

Sometimes I don't even know where all this came from.

OK, I did not have a happy childhood.
My teen years sucked.

But, I loved my early twenties.
I was so happy.

Maybe it's because I did whatever the hell I wanted.
And now I can't just go wherever and do whatever.
It frustrates me sometimes.

I guess, deep down, that's where it all comes from.
Knowing that just because I like to go wherever the wind blows me does not mean it is what my family wants and what is best.

So, I sit down and shut up for the greater good.
And maybe that makes me angry.

I hate being angry.
It feels really bad.

But, I am not going to just up and leave my family.
That would make no one happy.

I am just going to have to figure out a way to let go of my frustration.

There are just so many things.

I love being able to stay home.
But, sometimes I wished I could make my own money.
I love having my own garden.
But, sometimes, I just don't want to take care of it.
I am really good at being frugal.
But, sometimes I wish I didn't have to be.

I am just all out of whack.

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