Thursday, June 30, 2011

OK, I'm Sorry He's A Turd

I am sure that this post may make somebody mad.
But, ya know.
I don't care.

I called someone a turd.
To be precise- I called someone's boyfriend a turd.
I could have said worse.

I care about this person a lot.
I don't know if she ever reads this, but some people she knows do so she may or may not see this.

I was raised in a somewhat dysfunctional family.
I know.
Weren't we all?

Mine didn't involve drinking, beating, or incest.
But part of it did involve never mentioning the monkey in the middle of the room flinging poo everywhere.

Since that time, I have learned that a great many people also don't want to hear bad things about people they are currently dating.

Most of the time, I don't say a word.
Or try not to.

I have lost a friendship by saying something about the boyfriend hitting on me.
How messed up is that?

Be honest and see where it gets ya.

Anyway, I never met this particular boyfriend.
But, I don't like the things I have heard.

I believe he can be nice.

But, he screwed some other chick and I am not going to just be OK with that.
There are other things that tells me he is selfish, but that's the big one.

I will support her, but that doesn't mean I am going to ever like the guy.
She knows I think she needs to leave.

I just don't understand why anyone would stay.

She has her whole life ahead of her and he is just not worthy.

So, I am apparently getting the silent treatment.

So, OK  I'm sorry.
I'm sorry your boyfriend's a turd.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ten Things Tuesday- Irritating Things

Well, it's been a pretty crappy last few weeks for me.

So, I thought maybe I might make a ten list out of the things that piss me off.
Or that I am so sick of.

So here's my list of Ten Things That I am Sick Of.

1. Being tired.
  I never sleep for more than 5-6 hours at a time and than I am awake. I am tired but can't get back to sleep. Totally sucks.

2. People that love or hate someone just because of their political party.
  Can't we all just get along? Seriously, every political party has it's good things AND it's bad things. People that think their party is ALWAYS GREAT and the other party is ALWAYS WRONG needs to get their head out of their ass. Or elephant.

3. My child being sick.
  Nobody likes their kid being sick. Somehow I never imagined I would have one that ended up with so many problems. I know it's not like cancer or a congenital heart defect. But, it is one thing after another and it wears me down.

4. Here comes the rain again.
  Mother Nature has really missed her mark. Or maybe that's her thing. Because it seems like whenever TX has a bad drought IA gets way to much fucking rain.
I just want to walk in my garden. And I would love to give TX my rain. And any other state that needs it.

5.Coming up with meal ideas.
  I love to cook. But, sometimes I'd like a little input about what people might like me to make.
But, nnnooooooo. So, I get to come up with ideas every day. For meals and snack/dessert.
After 16 years, sometimes I get stuck.

6. I think the NFL Network needs a summer vacation.
  There's a lockout in effect, but they keep talking about football. And I swear the older my husband gets the more the has to read and watch news about the NFL in the off season.
I don't mind football. I will watch games. But, I don't care about the draft and about this person becoming a free agent or whatever. A little bit is fine. 4-5 times a week is overkill to me.

7. Seeing something photo worthy and not having my camera.
  I do that so much. Lovely signs I would have loved to have gotten- Shit on a Shingle advertised on the outside of a legion hall, the Congress Needs Funk sign and many more.
Of course most times when I do have it, I don't find anything.

8. Having to wear sweatshirts INSIDE my house during the summer.
  It is always set at 72 degrees. The central air, that is. The moment in time when the thermostat reads 75 degrees is when the air gets turned on for the first time.
I used to have to go outside once in a while just to warm up in the hot sunshine. Also, when I am not thinking, I will walk outside with my sweatshirt on and just about die. People really think I am the weirdo wearing sweats in the summer.
72 degrees by furnace in the winter is toasty. 72  degrees by air conditioner in the summer is cold.

9. People that go on the news right after their kid dies.
  Does anyone else not find this just a little strange? And I am not talking weeks or months later. I am meaning that day or the next day.  I think it is poor taste for the news to even ask them to give an interview. I also can't imagine why anyone would want to do it.
It just seems like it happens so much anymore.

10. TV shows that are quiet so you have to turn up the sound and kill your ear drums when the commercial comes on.
   I miss my old TV with the smart sound. Everything was evened out and you didn't have to keep turning things up and down. What every happened to the CALM act congress was supposed to have passed? Did it get signed and when does it take effect?
Either the TV stations need to lower the ads or raise the shows. I know the ad level is higher to catch our attention. But, it is so damn annoying!

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Ten Things Tuesday- Songs I Really Can't Stand

I love music.
I think everyone does.

There are styles I don't really like.
Uh, I mean RAP.

I don't like a lot of country.
Some is OK.
But, if it has a steel guitar in there somewhere you can forget it.

I love the Eagles.
But the songs with a steel guitar: uh-uh.

But, no matter the genre or the singer there are bad songs.
It's unavoidable.

There are some people I can't stand because I think they sound awful.
Willie Nelson.

There are others that  every single song sounds like every other one they have done.
Bruce Hornsby and the Range.

This isn't about the artist though.
It's all about the song.
And in my mind, crappy songs.

Ten Songs I Really Can't Stand

1. "Umbrella" by Rhianna.
  I really, really hate this song.
Rhianna, I don't want to shine together and the Canadians want their ehs back.

2. "To All The Girls I've Loved Before" by Julio Iglesias and Willie Nelson.
  This song was such a big hit. Why?
I don't know. Not a fan of Julio and Willie sucks.

3. "Country Boy" by Aaron Lewis.
  Love Staind and Aaron Lewis can sing.
But this song is just too twangy for me.

4. "I Whip My Hair Back and Forth" by Willow Smith.
  Never been a fan of a kid that sings unless they actually sound grown up and amazing.
Plus, this song is just plain annoying.
But, Fresh Prince is proud so my bleeding out my ears is inconsequential.

5. "Blah, Blah, Blah" by Ke$ha
  First of all, get a real title. Blah, blah, blah- what is that?
I just can't get past the title.

6. "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman.
  Decent music, bad lyrics.
Am I the only one that was unsure of her sex even with the video?

7. Paralyzer by Finger Eleven
  Once again, good music but very stupid lyrics. It just makes no sense.
Too many songs are that way.

8. "Something in Your Mouth" by Nickelback.
  I love Nickelback.
This song is just awful.
I am not against strippers. I do think a song about a stripper that sucks her thumb is dumb.

9. "The Day That Never Comes" by Metallica
     Extremely disappointing from a good band. I think they need to retire cause quality isn't as good. But, they're not cause they are working on a collaboration with Lou Reed. yay

10. "The Only Exception" by Paramore
   I like Paramore. I really do. But if all their ballads sound like this, they need to cut it out.
It almost hurt to hear that woman try and sing that. I don't know if anyone could help the song though.

Do you have any songs that you just don't like?

Monday, June 20, 2011

Yum! Tastes Like... Poop?

Have you heard the news?
Japanese scientists have discovered how to make steaks from human shit.

Now doesn't that make your mouth water?

Ummmmm, shit!

Here is the article if you want to read it.

But, here's the gist:

Tokyo Sewage had too much shit.
They go to a scientist and say "Can you do something with all this shit?"
So, the scientist thinks and comes up with a solution to ALL the shit and a possible food shortage.

Answer poop steaks that taste like beef.
Taste testers said it was yummier than beef.
AND it has less calories since there is less fat.

Isn't that awesome?

Of course, it occurs to me that once these people consume these shit steaks they will than make more shit and that in turn will be used to make more steaks.
They should sell a do it yourself kit on how to turn your own excrement into an edible meal

Also, is some shit more nutritious than other shit?
That's a thinker, that is.

I have the perfect name and the perfect slogan .

Sheaks( shit + steaks)

Sheaks- the other brown meat.


The validity of this could not be confirmed nor denied.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Dancing It Off

So, I finally got off my butt and did one off my dance exercise DVDs. Holy moly am I in bad shape!
I am also not good at "simple" dance moves either.
It's gonna take me a while not to look like an idiot doing them. Or feeling like an idiot. Or almost losing my balance on a couple of the moves.

I started off with the moves guide and went on to the dance part. Got through the warm up and the rock it out and started to wonder how long this damn thing was.
So I skipped the next dance part and went to the tone it up.
Now I am 45 minutes in and once again wondering when it is all gonna stop.
Than the lady talks about working on the obliques " because we all could stand to work on that" and I am thinking what?
This woman has NO fat anywhere.

I made it through that and than the cool down.

I have a major case of underboob sweat.
I also feel like I could drink an entire gallon of water.

This better work and than it will be worth it.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Ten Things Tuesday- What Dad Taught Me

Since Father's Day is coming up on Sunday, I thought this week should center on Dad.

Plus, I did Mom last week.

Dad never did have a lot of sayings.
He worked on the road(doing road construction) so he was gone a lot.

But, this is Ten Things Dad Taught Me:

1. Don't lie.
  If you lied and he found out, you got it way worse than just telling the truth.
I remember one time when I was maybe 8 and I had a cheese sandwich and it was nasty. I threw it away. But, I was clever. I buried it way at the bottom of the trash. Dad asked me about it and I said I ate it. He knew I lied. He went through the trash and found it.
Ass beating. Don't lie about cheese!

2. When you turn 18, we can't tell you what to do anymore.
  So many parents still try. But, he told me my mistakes were mine to make. No matter how stupid. And I did more than my share of stupid things.

3. If you are going to buy something, buy something good. Don't buy cheap junk and fix it up.
  Dad was never a big spender. Five people on $22,000/year will do that to you. But when he bought something it was built to last.

4. If one thing is wrong with something, fix it. Don't just throw it out.
  Now, so many things are made and when something goes wrong with one part, it is cheaper to throw it out and buy new. But, sometimes it is something that costs nothing or very little. It just might take some work to fix it.

5. You can get your point across without having to say a lot.
  Dad never did talk a lot. He always did what needed done and when he said something, you had better pay attention. He didn't like repeating himself.

6. Being on time is important. Being early is better than being late.
  To this day, I always feel bad when I am late. Especially if it is something involving Dad. It is like I am letting him down. And I am married to a man that believes in NEVER being early and being late is no big deal.

7. If you are going to do something, do it right. Nothing half-assed will do.
  Even if it means starting all over. Sometimes that's what it takes.
I have seen him refinish a floor and take it all off and redo, just because it wasn't quite right.

8. Growing a garden.
  Dad has always had a garden. He can grow anything. When I was growing up, we all helped plant and harvest. It prepared me for growing my own. Even now, I still ask Dad questions about this or that.

9. Hugs, kisses, and I love yous are important.
  Not because I always got them. On the contrary. I never did. Growing up, I never got any of that from Dad. I got a few hugs from Mom but no kisses and no I love yous.
Dad was raised not to do that, so we never got it.
But, because I never did, I know how important it is.

10. If you pout and stick you lip out, a bird will come and poop on it.
   It must be, my daddy said so.
Though if I stick my lip out when I am in the house, how did the bird get inside to poop on it?
As a child, that bit of reasoning seemed to escape me.

Now Dad is retired and seems more at peace. He smiles more, but his body is getting tired.

Have you learned anything from your dad?

Monday, June 13, 2011

Ten Things Tuesday- Stupid Things Heard on the News

I can't help it. The news is just funny to me sometimes.

Not in a "a serial killer was caught with frozen bodies in his house today" kind of way.
But in a "OMG that just sounds so stupid" kind of way.

Sometimes it is a phrase.
Sometimes it is just something that makes you wonder where these people's brains are.
And how did these people get to where they are?

I could use Michelle Bachman saying John Wayne is from Waterloo. When in fact movie star John Wayne is from Winterset and John Wayne Gacy serial killer is from Waterloo.

But, no. Not goin' there. I am talking about from reporters or people talking to reporters that say stupid, stupid things.

This weeks Ten Things Tuesday is all about stupidity.

Stupid Things Heard on the News:

1." After the fourth breach in the levee, the US Army Corps of Engineers decided the levee was unstable."
  I wonder what gave them that idea. And why did it take FOUR breaches for that to be determined?

2. "The southeast half of the state"
  Also used northeast, northwest, and southwest half of the state
We had a meteorologist that always said that. There are 4 quarters of the state and that would be those mentioned above. They are not halves, they are quarters. So did that guy mean half of that quarter and if so which half cause he never said?
Just drove me nuts. Well he's gone now.

3. "A cow was destroyed but there were no fatalities."
  The head of EMS in southern Iowa said this is what happened during a storm. I don't know about you but I think a cow breathes. Therefore, it can die and dying is somewhat fatal.
Maybe she should have said there were no human fatalities.

4. "The town of hamburger."
    Reporter Lady, the name of the town is Hamburg not hamburger. One's a meat product, the other is a town. Know the difference.

5." Act of God? The tree near where Caylee Anthony's body was found got struck by lightning."
   What does this even mean? Why would God wait 3 years to strike down a tree? Oh wait, he was waiting to see if the mom was going to do the time. But, she isn't so instead of hitting her with lightning God is just going to knock down a tree. Sure, that makes sense.

6. "First, I thought somebody shot me."
   A bird flew in the driver's side window of a car and hit a dude's chest.
It's OK. Neither he nor the bird were hurt. But, it took a highway helper to notice he had feathers all over the inside of his car. Not a small bird, so you'd think you'd notice a bird fly in your driver's side window.

7. Hot enough to fry eggs on the sidewalk and I am going to try.
   I don't know how many reporters I have seen try this over the years. It never really cooks and is a waste of a good egg.

8. "The man put furniture out on the street and people are coming and just helping themselves to it."
   First of all, people put things out all the time when they don't want it. Why did the guy think that it was smart to do this? And why did the news people report on it like people were doing something completely unheard of?
His house was being foreclosed on so he just emptied his house onto his front lawn. Mind you, he was NOT in the process of moving.

9. The planet Uranus will now be pronounced urine us.
   This one is kinda old. I remember Tom Brokaw pronouncing it urine us.
Does changing  your anus  to  urine us  actually sound any better? I think not.

10. This really isn't so much something stupid that is said so much as a stupid graphic.
     On the weather when the forecast is shown and there is supposed to be rain, they never just show rain. Oh no. They will show nothing than a cloud and showers will appear. They disappear and comeback. If you don't stare at the graphic you might miss the shower/cloud thing and think it is going to be nice. So don't come in at the tail end of the weather. And once you do look, don't look away. Stare at it intently to make sure no rain appears.
All the other stations have a still picture and a % chance of rain. Might not be so snazzy, but it sure isn't stupid.

Ahh, stupidity at its finest.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Alike Or Not

 Kiddo tells me that Scott Pelley- who just took over as the new CBS Evening news anchor looks like Spottswoode from the movie Team America: World Police.

What do you think?

Scott Pelley


Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Ten Things Tuesday- Wisdom From My Mom

OK, wisdom and my mom are two things I never thought would ever go in a sentence together.
After all, she does have many a dingy moment.

As, I have gotten older I have realized some things she said as I grew up were pretty spot on.

Not always.

Ten pieces of wisdom from my mom.

1." God didn't damn it, the beavers did."
This is why you shouldn't say Goddammit.
From now on, Everyone start walking around saying Beaverdammit.

2." Life isn't fair."
What kid hasn't heard that from their parents?

3. "If everyone liked the same thing, the world would be a pretty boring place."
Would it? But, if we all liked the same things that would mean we also hated the same things. Willie Nelson would never have gotten a record made and that would be AWESOME!
Willie Nelson sucks.

4." I think it's kind of cool in here. Put a sweater on."
I know that seems so TV, but my mom actually said that.
And now I am realizing that I make my kid wear a jacket on the basis of whether or not I think it is cool outside.

5." Beer tastes like dirty dish water."
OK, do I think beer is the best tasting drink in the world? No.
Some kinds are better than others, but one has to wonder how does she know what dirty dish water tastes like. I don't want to know.

6. "Quit your crying or I'll really give to something to cry about."
Translation- you're 5, it's not the end of the world; suck it up.
To this day I internally cringe if I ever hear that phrase.

7." Dinosaurs aren't real."
Now it's pretty apparent that they were really real. In the 70s, my mom didn't believe in them.
Not sure why.
Now, she wouldn't remember telling me that.

8." What people do in the privacy of their own bedroom is their business, but they don't need to advertise."
This was basically her response to people coming out in public.
How times have changed. Now she doesn't care if gays marry. That's about as public as it gets.

9. " I don't know why people always have to have alcohol at these things."
Things being any type of gathering of people.
Some people like their drinks. Some people are alcoholics and some people just like to have fun with a drink.

10. " I don't know why the music always has to be SO loud."
It doesn't matter where. It could be a family get-together or at a bowling alley. It might not even be that loud.
She has even been at my house and told me to turn the radio off.
Honeyman says she needs to think that maybe, just maybe, she's the odd one.

Monday, June 6, 2011

First Impressions

How do you decide what a person is really like?
Do you get to know them or go by your first impression and keep going by that?

I am one that usually gets to know a person before deciding what they are really all about.

Of course, there are always some people you just instinctively know what kind of person they really are.
They just have a personality that you just know.

Like the selfish person, or the guy that is just too damn charming.
Those personalities just come right out and say " this is who I really am".

But, other people are really hard to pinpoint.
You really have to know them to figure them out.

I've had people I have had to work with that just didn't like me.
I never said anything to them.
They just looked at me and decided I was unworthy.

I have also had people get the completely wrong impression of me and to this day it seems the same.

I have been with Honeyman for close to 16 years and some of his closest friends seem to think of me as some uptight, religious woman.

I find that just a bit odd.

I am about as far away from being religious as you can get.
I was raised Methodist and I know a lot about religion.
But, isn't knowledge power?
One time I happened to share my knowledge so all of a sudden I am religious.

Considering I never go to church and I am with Honeyman-who is agnostic, I find that really weird that they think that.

I am quiet, unless I know you.
I hate to drive so I don't. I know how. I just don't do it much.

Maybe that makes me a weirdo.
I don't know.

Up until recently, I stayed home when Honeyman went to parties with his friends.
Kiddo was too young and no babysitter.
When Kiddo was about a year, her paternal grandparents decided they weren't going to watch the grandchildren anymore.

So, whether I wanted to go out or not was irrelevant.

Not that any of this really matters.
Just puttin' it out there.
Cause it's been running around in my brain.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Breakin' the Law!

Yes, it is the dreaded aloe vera plant. One of the most dangerous plants to ever have in your house that helps burns.

Why, you say?

Turns out it's illegal.

Did you know that? I didn't know that.

Apparently it falls under the same classification of marijuana in the Controlled Substances Act signed into law in 1970.

So, hey grandmas everywhere- beware. You're breaking the law.

It's true. I read it on the internet so of course it's true. The supreme court wouldn't even make an exception.
Did you even know aloe went to the Supreme Court? Apparently so.
In 2001.

Here's the article to back all this up.


OK, so maybe I jumped the gun a little. I did some checking and I don't think that article is telling the truth.
Aloe is mentioned NOWHERE in the Controlled Substances Act.
Grandmas everyone, I guess you are OK.
Maybe that's why you can buy lotion with aloe in it.
This is so disappointing.
The internet lied to me.
I don't know if I can trust it anymore.