I'm a Myspace Girl in a Facebook World

I miss Myspace.
I never hardly log in anymore.
What is the point?
No one else does.

Scratch that.
I have a cousin that updates her status once in a while.

Everyone has moved to Facebook.

I am used to Facebook now.

But, I hate how they are always changing things.

You know what is the biggest part of Myspace I miss.

I miss the profile pages.
Each one was different.

That is if you gave a shit, anyway.

Mine is really cool.
It is a woman that is half demon and half angel.
And that is pretty much me.

But, you go to Facebook and everybody's profile is pretty much the same.
Some people have different boxes.

But, where is the color?
The uniqueness of the individual?

I know there is the page rage but unless everyone has it it doesn't work.
Plus I can get it for me but it gets messed up when my daughter uses it.
No, I don't know why.
And what does it matter if making it different is never seen by anyone?
Major downer, dude.

But, if ya wanna talk to the people,ya gotta go where the people are.
And that's Facebook.

At least they haven't all left for Twitter.

I'd really be screwed.
I have a Twitter, but I don't twit much.

Yes, I know.
It's tweet.

But, I'll call it twit if I want to.

But, I really don't get the twit thing.
When you want to post on someone else's you are supposed to write @username
I think anyway.
Not sure.
See.
Told ya I would be screwed.

Dishes Come With Directions?

I finally broke down and bought a set of dishes.
Nice ones, not the cheap ones you can fling around and they won't break.

I was so done with the old rooster plates in the cupboard that came with the house.
And my "move out of Mom's house dishes" were pretty much done for.

So, I went on the hunt for some cool, somewhat upscale dishes.
I found them.
I bought them.
And in the box with them were directions.

Imagine my surprise.
When did they start doing that?
And why?

From how to clean them to how I should put them on the table.

Oh my God!

Here is a picture of the dessert bowl. Isn't it pretty?


I love my dishes.
But, I don't really think I needed directions.

This belongs in the list of things that don't need directions but have them anyway.
Like soap.
Or gum.

It's all just kinda self explanatory.

My Day Has Arrived

So, today is my birthday.
I'm 39.
Whoopie!

I really had a pretty good day.
It was uneventful.

That is how I wanted it.

Usually every year, I want a nice gift and people to tell me happy birthday.
But, today I just didn't care.

Seriously.
Deep down.
The fact that I got no presents whatsoever does in no way bother me.

OK, so that is not COMPLETELY accurate.

My lovely daughter made me a slideshow on video that I absolutely love.
It is the sweetest thing.
Even set it to Happy, Shiny People by R.E.M.- which is a song I love by a band I love.

I just have to figure out a way to save it to my pc after she made it with a mac program.
Cause I'd like to keep it.

I got to do what I wanted.
Which is Chicken enchilada dip & chips and a great movie.
I chose Constantine.
It fits the time of year and we all love it.

I really wanted to watch When Harry Met Sally.
But Kiddo is not impressed with those types of movies.
Meaning a movie that has no violence, no superhero flying and the possibility of kissing.

So, even though it is MY birthday I was nice and didn't subject her to that.
Maybe I will just watch it later by myself.

But really, I didn't do jack shit today.

I did get up at the godawful time of 5 in the am to bake my pumpkin cinnamon rolls.
Than after getting the kid on the bus, I took a hell of a long nap.

Got up, and did
NOTHING.

I should do more of that.

Than I made the dip, and we all watched the movie.

And now, here I am.

Thinking about how I should maybe wash my dishes.
I don't want to.
But, I know sooner or later, before bed I will feel compelled to do them.

I hate that little neurotic part of me that makes me wash dishes before bed and fold all the laundry as soon as it comes out of the dryer.
Cause if you leave them in the basket for anything of time, they get all wrinkly.
And who wants that?

But we all have some little strange compulsion, don't we?

I'd really like to end my day doing nothing and not caring that I did nothing.
I will have to let you know how that went.

Function Junction, What's Your Dysfunction?

Some words of wisdom today.
I know.
You can't wait.

There is no such thing as a 100% functional family.
There is always some sort of dysfunctional aspect to it.

There are just different levels of dysfunction.

It runs the gamut from the worst at sex abuse to yelling and screaming to not talking things out like you should.

If anyone says they are a totally functioning family all the time, they are seriously full of shit.

You know why?
Cause EVERYONE has baggage and they don't just leave it at the door when they grow up and start a family.

If it were only that simple.

Just stick all your troubles in a bag and leave it wherever you want.
I wish I could do that.

Granted my childhood was nowhere near as fucked up as some people's were.
But, it wasn't perfect by any means.

Just when you think you have put everything behind you-
Whoops, there it is.

And of course, your spouse has his baggage.

No matter what some of it will end up in your family.
You can go through all the therapy you want.

You can think you have left everything behind, but there is always going to be something.
Cause it's in you and cannot be gotten rid of.

So, no matter what you hear spewing from the mouths of Dr. Phil or whoever, there is no such thing as a perfect family that always talks everything out and always has fun.
Where everyone knows where they stand all the time.

That's a fairytale.
Life isn't a fairytale.

Don't Give Me A Maid

Why does everyone want a maid?

I am horrified at the thought of having a maid.

Not because I love cleaning. Because I don't.

I am, however, too paranoid to ever allow one in my house.

I couldn't afford a maid if I wanted one.
Even if I could, I wouldn't have one.

I just don't want someone in my house that doesn't live here.
I don't leave my friends sitting around here, what makes you think I want someone I DON'T know in here.

I couldn't relax.
The whole time, I would be wondering what they were doing while I wasn't there.
So, that means I would have to be in the house the WHOLE time the maid is there.
I would follow her around to see what she is doing.

Making sure things are left as they should be.
Has no one ever seen "Friends With Money" starring Jennifer Aniston?
Art imitates life, that's all I'm sayin'.

So, if I am going to spend the whole time obsessing over what the maid is doing or following her around, I may as well just do it all myself.
Don't you think so?

But, I Don't Want To Get Older

Why is it when you're a kid you can't wait to get older.

Once you're about 21 or so, you don't care.

And once you're oldER, you want to stop the clock.

Not, that I feel like I am getting old.
I do feel a little older than 20 years ago.
But, I don't feel old.

It's just that when I was a teen my parents were 40 and if I turn 40 I am gonna be like my parents.
And my parents are NOT cool at all.

But, I am cool.( Do uncool people listen to Disturbed? I didn't think so.)
And cool people don't get old.

My daughter tells me once I turn 40 I will officially be old.

But, how can I be old if I am cool?

I can't.
So, therefore I am not getting old.

I will turn 39 on Friday and no more birthdays for me.

That is just how it is going to be.

Kiddo tells me I can't not have anymore birthdays.
Well, she can't call me old.

So, I guess we are at an impasse.

Honeyman is 41 so he is old.
But, he has said he felt like an old man 5 years ago.
That's different.

He feels old, I do not.

Decisions, Decisions

OK, so my birthday is coming up on Friday.
Whoo!

So, anyway it has been a long standing tradition that the birthday person gets to decide what to have for their birthday dinner.

Not go out to eat.
I make it.

For Kiddo, it was taco pizza.
Recipe on yummy stuff, if you'd like to try it.
We also had sour cream chocolate cake and bittersweet chocolate ice cream.

For Honeyman, it was seafood primavera.
And a small chocolate cake.

Now, I have to figure out what I want.

Last year, I did simple and grilled out.

Not sure what I want this year.

Chicken enchiladas sound good.
But I don't know.

I am not good planning ahead for meals.

I read everywhere to plan meals for two weeks or even a month.
Yeah.
That doesn't work for me.

I am more
Buy the stuff and make it when I feel like it.

Exceptions are when buying fresh mushrooms.
You have to use them up soon after buying.

I usually don't even know what I am making for dinner/supper/whatever you want to call it until at least 3 in the afternoon.
Sometimes not even til 5:30 and than mealtime may or may not be on time.

The defrost button on the microwave is my best friend.
I know.
How sweet!

Maybe I need to start going through all my cookbooks and try something new.
That would be good.

OK.
Now I have a goal.

Can't You Just Smell It ? *sniff sniff*

It is everywhere and getting worse all the time.

You gotta know what I'm talkin' about.

It's the bullshit.

It comes from everywhere these days.

You are just going through your day and, all of a sudden, there's just a big steaming pile of the stuff right in your way.

I miss the days when I didn't have to decipher why someone said something or did something.
But, these days, everyone has got a reason for doing what they do.

Yes, there are still honest people and truly there are some that are super kind and never have a motive.

But, I see less and less all the time.

Maybe I just see it clearer.
Maybe the bullshit was always there.

I always could see through the guy bull shit.
You know, when a guy is trying to put the moves on you.
He's just a little too smooth and charming.
That's the bullshit and you can't help but think "his eyes should be brown".

Some companies and people just dish it out and dish it out and other people will just take it at face value.
But, in the end it all comes out.

Like the big fat turd that it is.

It was crap from the beginning, made up to look like great thing.

And it isn't until it gets examined that everyone else can see it for what it is.

Shit.
With a nice pretty pink bow.

But, some people don't even look farther than the surface.
They look at it, like what they see and that is as far as it goes.

People believe what they want to believe.

I have seen it time and time again.

That person will look at you and say " They wouldn't do that".
And why the hell not?
Cause they say so?

People lie and do terrible things all the time.
And anyone is capable of anything.

We all have good seeds and bad seeds in all of us.
It is up to us to decide which ones to nurture.- Buddha

So, don't bullshit YOURSELF into thinking that what you see is what you get.

Weren't You Supposed To Be Talking To ME?

I am starting to think that believe ANYONE is allowed to have a phone ( or use one) they need to be required- yes, required- to take a phone etiquette class.

When I call you, I talk to you
and when you call me,
You talk to me.

That is the way it is supposed to work.

I understand emergencies and phone calls.

But, really if you are calling just to talk do it when you are not doing something else.
Don't talk to everyone.
Or your cat.
I am right here!
You called me, remember?

And if I call you and it isn't a good time, tell me.
Don't start talking and than talk to others.
Or keep saying "just a minute".

It's rude.

That's what I said.

I don't know why some people think it is perfectly OK.

I don't care that you called me and it is your dime.

I don't care that I called you and you are in the middle of something.
That's where you say "Can I call you back?"

I really don't get it.

It is like they are thinking " They can't see me so it must be OK."

Really? Can people really be that clueless?
I'm thinkin' so.

I'd like to think that they just don't REALIZE that they are acting rudely.
Maybe I just don't want to acknowledge to myself that they know what they are doing.

Either way it is still not kosher in Ruthland.

Not Sure What Is Goin' On

Have you ever just reached a point in your life when you really don't know what is what?

I am there right now.

At least that is my frame of mind right now.

I have hit my caffeine/sugar limit to where it is messing with my moods.

So until this passes, I don't know how much of what I am feeling is really real or just what I am ingesting.

I have always been a pop junkie.
I have, however, noticed that my brain only likes so much of it before it rebels.

And it makes me pissy and all around not fun to be with.

I am not a happy person.
And when Momma's not happy,
Ain't nobody happy.

So, I am taking a little break from that particular type of beverage.

It just messes everything up.

So, I am going through some major downer time.

Hopefully a week from now, I will be doing better.
But, I don't know.

I am afraid there is going to come a time when I am just going to never have pop again.

I miss the happy me and I am not even sure what the limit is.
I only can tell once I have crossed it.

Yes, I am always moody and go from happy to pissed in no time.

But, the overabundance of caffeine/sugar in my system cuts out the happy swing.
That just leaves swing from sad to mad and back again.

I have a food remedies book that says that some people are just sensitive to caffeine and sugar and it makes them more tense.
So that would be me.

So the honeyman is getting groceries after work and there is a sale on pop.
So, I told him not to get me any.

If I don't, he will.

Whenever I stop drinking it, someone is always thinking they are being nice by getting some especially for me.
I feel obligated to drink it so I don't hurt feelings or piss anyone off.
Next thing you know, I am buying my own.

I guess I am just going to have to piss people off for my own good.
Maybe, at Christmas time I will have to give the mil a heads up that I don't want pop.
But than I have to explain everything and she is not going to get it.

I have a couple months to figure it out.

That's What It's All About

Do the hokey-pokey and ya turn yourself around

That's what it's all about!

Ya put your left foot in,
you put your left foot out,
you put your left foot in,
and ya shake it all about

Do the hokey pokey and ya turn yourself around.

That's what it's all about.

Such is life.

Sometimes ya just gotta shake it all about and get rid of the melancholy, the same old, same old.

You get in a rut and life gets to be not so fun.

You just got to do it.

I know I do.

Life gets routine and you just go through the motions.
You forget what matters and what's fun.

You just do it all because you have to.
Or you think you have to.

Just take a break and enjoy life.

You get tired, go take a nap.

Really don't feel like vacuuming today?

Well, don't.
And don't feel guilty about it.

I still struggle with not feeling guilty about not getting everything done.

But, it really is OK.

The house won't fall apart.

If it did, I'd be homeless.

I don't clean as much as I should.
And sometimes I do feel guilty about it.

But, I am not happy if all I do is clean every day.

I have never been one for routine.

Some people like routine.
They find it soothing.

I like doing things my own way.

Too much sameness drives me nuts.

So, we need to enjoy our lives a little more.
Show the people we love more TLC.

We just need to give ourselves permission to put our left foot in and know that it's OK.

It isn't so hard.
It can't be THAT hard.

Men don't seem to have trouble.

Maybe it is mostly a woman thing.

I know, I used to think about everything my mom did and what I'd get done and I felt pretty pathetic.
But, it isn't a contest.

I used to feel I needed to parent the same way and do dinner the same way.
If I didn't, I wasn't doing it right.

But, you know what?
I am not my mom.

I don't WANT to be my mom.

So, I really don't know why I thought I needed to do this or that.

It is my life and I need to live it as I see fit.

I still feel guilty sometimes.
But, less and less all the time.

Love me, love the dust in my house.

I have some cookies to bake.
I have a mean game of battleship to play with my daughter.
And I have a rock concert to attend with my husband.

Is my house perfect?
No.

Is my life perfect?
Hell, no! Far from it.

But, I don't need perfect. I'd feel funny living in perfect.
I just want to enjoy my life.

No Hurry, I Don't Have A Life Or Anything

Does it totally not piss you off that doctors and service people can just tell you they are gonna call or show up and you wait and you wait and you wait?

Cause I am telling you that it so totally pisses me off.

I am tired and I have a lot of shit to do today.

But can I take a nap or do my other stuff?
NO!

I have to sit and wait for the phone.
The nurse is supposed to call and the business office is supposed to call with the damages I have to pay.
Even though I have insurance.
I know.
WTF?

When you give a number for them to call, it would be nice if they'd do it.

It's like all these businesses think we have nothing better to do than wait for them.

I get it.
They are busy.

But, you know what?

I have a life too.

I have things I need to get done.

I talked to a friend this morning and she had to take an ENTIRE day off work for the cable guy.
Sometime between 8 and 5.
9 hours.
Doesn't that seem a bit ridiculous?

But, the business office is open that late so I might have to wait that long.

I am thinking of maybe just calling them.
I don't think they'd like that.
And I'd get the "someone will call you".
Yeah, whatever.

What's Wrong With Being Born In A Barn

I have been giving this a lot of thought.

OK, maybe not tons.
But, for the last 5 minutes or so.

And it seems to me that asking someone if they were born in a barn should not be considered a bad thing.
It should be considered a very good thing.

That is if you are Christian.

After all wasn't Jesus born in a barn?
I know, you are thinking I am stupid.
It was a stable.

But, stable is just fancy talk for small barn.

So, just cause you were born in a barn doesn't mean you are as dumb as an animal that was born in a barn.

Unless you are thinking Jesus was also as dumb as an animal born in a barn.

But, leaving the whole Jesus thing aside, not all animals are stupid.
Many are very intelligent.

Just because they don't use people speak doesn't mean anything.
You can be mute and still be smart.

So, stand up and be proud of being born in a barn.
If it was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for you.

Am I Losing It Or What?

I am thinking the answer may be a great big YES.

I don't think I am bi-polar because I don't go days on a high and then days on a low.

No, I am more of an hour to hour mood swing kind a girl.

It really doesn't take my mood much time at all from great to CRAP.
Or crap to PRETTY DAMN GOOD.

A few days ago was a really great day. After that the days were so-so.
Yesterday was a crap day until I just about had a major meltdown.

And now I am better today.

Course something will probably piss me off today.
It usually does.

Or someone will say something and make me think about other things and I will get all sad and depressed.

I seriously confuse the hubby.

He doesn't get how I can be in such a good mood one minute and get so mad in the next.

That's a conundrum, that is.

Maybe the next time I get pissy I need to grab me a cup of tea.
Apparently there is supposed to be something in the tea to make a person relax.

I just might have to test that theory.

I love tea so I am sure that will not be a hardship.

Ya know, last night I started a post on here and read through it before posting.
I realized how pathetic I sounded and deleted it before publishing.

I know, I know. Everyone has their bad days.
But, no one likes a whiner.

But just writing it and reading it made me snap out of my funk.
At least for the time being.

Until the next time.

Being the best I can be is a work in progress.

It's like alcoholism.
Except the problems are all in my head, not in a bottle.

Sometimes I don't even know where all this came from.

OK, I did not have a happy childhood.
My teen years sucked.

But, I loved my early twenties.
I was so happy.

Maybe it's because I did whatever the hell I wanted.
And now I can't just go wherever and do whatever.
It frustrates me sometimes.

I guess, deep down, that's where it all comes from.
Knowing that just because I like to go wherever the wind blows me does not mean it is what my family wants and what is best.

So, I sit down and shut up for the greater good.
And maybe that makes me angry.

I hate being angry.
It feels really bad.

But, I am not going to just up and leave my family.
That would make no one happy.

I am just going to have to figure out a way to let go of my frustration.

There are just so many things.

I love being able to stay home.
But, sometimes I wished I could make my own money.
I love having my own garden.
But, sometimes, I just don't want to take care of it.
I am really good at being frugal.
But, sometimes I wish I didn't have to be.

I am just all out of whack.

Hello, My Name Is Ruth And....

I have an addiction.

I am addicted to...


SURVEYS.

I know, I know.

How could I allow myself to be drug in this way?

I don't know how it happened.

But, when I see an invite in my Inbox, I just gotta do it.
Or try to anyway.

You see, if I don't do it right away it might be gone when I do try.

I learned that the hard way.

Plus the more you try to do, the more invites you seem to get.

It's a vicious cycle.

Just this morning I had a plan.
I need to get some blog posts done for yummystuff .

But low and behold, I open my yahoo mail and I have invites.

So, it's just a couple so I will try for them first.

So another one comes.
Now, three hours later, I still don't have a single post done.

This isn't good.

I need to get cracking.

I am already so far behind on that it is laughable.

I try to say it is because I am so busy with Kiddo and her health.

But, that isn't all of it.

I am addicted to making all I can off doing surveys.

If money wasn't so tight right now, MAYBE, I wouldn't care so much.
But, than again, MAYBE, I would.

So, I gotta go.
I need to do some yummystuff before I get more invites.

TA!

Hanging In There

I am not looking forward to this afternoon
and yet I want it to get here and get it over with.

This afternoon we have a consult with a surgeon for my daughter.
She is 14 and her gallbladder doesn't want to do its job.

She has just been through so much.

Her medical chart is a million miles long.

Nothing like cancer or heart problems.
But still serious.

Ever since she was little she has had some kind of health problems.

First, she was on non-stop decongestants just so she could even breathe.
Had her adenoids removed and tubes put in her ears.
Also her sinuses irrigated.

Than later her tonsils became enlarged from a virus and would not go down so another surgery to take them out.

Finally after numerous sinus infections she was tested for allergies.

She was put on an inhaler type medication and she fought to the death not to use it.
So they gave her nasal spray instead.
She also had to take pills.

And insurance kept making us try this or that first when it had already been tried and we knew it didn't work.

Than she had her non-stop seizures and had every test known to man done.
CT scan
spinal tap
EEG
MRI and tons of blood tests.
I don't even remember everything.

She's had concussions and pneumonia.
The pneumonia was bad.
Went to the ER and was told she was fine
of course she wasn't fine.
We ended up back there and they admitted her that time.

Now, she needs immediate medical care, she goes straight to Des Moines.

But due to the seizures her teeth got knocked out when they put a tube down her throat.
Teeth grew in and they were all crooked.

Enter the world of orthodontics.
First she had the quad helix, which is basically a retainer that doesn't come out.
Next she had partial braces
Than a retainer.
A short break and now full braces for another year and a half.
After that 2 more years of retainers.

And can't forget the dermatologist.
Tried that but it really wasn't doing any good.
And the minute chemical peel was brought up, that was all she wrote.

As a parent, you do what you think is best for your child.

My husband and I have done that.

But, there just comes a point when I wonder when is it all gonna end.

She is 14 and she does not deserve all of this.

I know, I know.
Life isn't fair.

No, it certainly is not anywhere near fair.

My daughter has had more medical procedures done to her than I have.
Hell, more than my mom has.

Just doesn't seem right.

I know, somethings just don't make sense and never will.
I don't think we are supposed to make sense of everything.
It is the great mystery of life.

Some people will just say
"It's God's will"
and all that crap.

I really don't understand how that is supposed to make anyone feel any better.
Fine if you want to believe all that.

But, when something bad is going on that is the last thing I want to hear.
At that point I just want to tell those people to blow it out their ass.

Hello! I'd Like to Post Sometime Tonight

I have been trying for 2 hours to get on here tonight and post.
I tried everything.

And I do mean everything.
Switched browsers
emptied my cache
reset my modem
restarted computer.

You name it, I tried it.

Than all of a sudden.
I got on.

It was like someone took the cork out of Blogger's ass and it all came out.
Or maybe Google's ass cause I couldn't go to youtube or Google.
Even the sites with Google ads were loading severely slow.

Not sure what the problem really was cause other people seemed to be getting to youtube and their gmail accounts just fine.

So, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank my ISP for making my life difficult tonight.
I couldn't have done it without you.

All I wanted to do was post.
But, no.
Google's Will.

It is what it is!