Wednesday, March 9, 2011

It's a Bonding Thing

It's a big eye opener to come to the realization after over three decades on this earth that bonding is something you never really learned to do.

Really, I just don't bond well.

I didn't even feel that instant sense of connection that mothers are "supposed" to feel the moment their child comes into the world.
We have a good bond now.
But, after 14 years, that is how it should be.

I don't know how to open up and share the real me with people.

Even when I am down and people offer to listen to me, I just shy away from opening up.

Even when I write my blog.

Except in a few instances, I go so far and no farther.

When I grew up, I was taught not to share feelings.
No hugs and kisses.
No I love yous.
No differences in opinions allowed.

If my sisters or I ever said one thing in disagreement with the other we were told not to fight.
It wasn't a fight, it was just a different viewpoint.

My parents were really good at the clothing and shelter part of parenting.
But, there was never that sense of closeness either.

I do hate that I have seemed to carry that with me throughout my life.

I do remember trying to give a friend a hug once in sixth grade and she didn't like that.

I love hugs, but I just don't give them to hardly anyone.

Sometimes it makes me sad that I don't have any lifelong friendships.

But, other times I am completely fine with it.

Depends on the day or month, I guess.


  1. I am pretty much the opposite. I bond with people somewhat easily but its hard because other people are not like me. Most people do not know how to be a friend.

  2. I have to agree with you about that. People get caught up in their own lives and don't seem to think about others. I have had what I thought were pretty good friends, but when it came don't to it, they weren't.
    I have actually had more compassion from people half way around the world that I met online than I have from people I actually met.

  3. I'm a little like you. I do have a few friends, but even with them I am not always 100 % open. THe only one I am totally open with is my husband, which is how it should be. I don't do the hugging thing much either, though I have gotten a lot better at it, I practiced with my doggies and kitties. :)

  4. Our furbabies are just so fun to cuddle.
    I'm allergic and shouldn't. But, I do it anyway.

  5. Pretty much ALL of my really good friends are online and live elsewhere.

    For me, it's easier to be more candid by phone, email, IM or chat. Not sure why. It just feels more uninhibited. Maybe it's cause the 'body language' component is missing.

    I've never been good at reading body language and that part always messes up my real life conversations.

    And, my friends online aren't burdened with the baggage from my past like an extended family member might be. Online friendships start with a clean slate. No judgments about mistakes from the past.

    I'm a huggy person. I like hugs.

    My CC is the same way. She's constantly going up to kids on the playground and hugging them.

    And, I credit home schooling with her very open attitude. She's very uninhibited. She has NO personal boundaries.

    So the house rule is: Only hug girls and don't hug anyone taller than yourself. That seems to be the limits she can understand.

  6. The starting with a clean slate is a good way to put it.


Thanks for commenting.