Thursday, November 18, 2010

What Is Friendship, Anyway?

Here lately I have been giving a lot of thought to what friendship really means.

Growing up I never had any real close friendships.
Due to my upbringing, and the fact that I got picked on all the time I really never learned how to bond with anyone.

That fact is very sad to me.

Learning to be close to people is important.

I have learned, but it is still hard for me to make friendships and when I do it seems to be with people that don't open up about things.
Or seem to want me to share.

And I am at a point, I need that sometimes.

I have my husband.
But, that isn't always enough.
And when we are facing the same thing it is hard.
Another person would be nice.

He has that.
I really don't.

What has really made me start thinking about all this is because of my daughter.
Over the last several years she has had a variety of different health issues.

And each thing takes more and more out of me.

I have had people that I have thought were good friends, not once seem at all concerned about how I or my family were doing through all this.

My husband says they don't care because it's not their kid.
But, as a friend shouldn't they care enough about you to ask?

I think so.

After this whole gallbladder surgery business, I have really started to wonder how much I really want to be friends with someone that acts like its not a big deal.
That when you mention why your daughter has been sick and she is having surgery
the only response is- she'll feel better.
No phone call or email after the surgery to see how she is.
No response to facebook statuses that she is getting along really good.
Absolutely nothing.

I still care.
I just care a little less.

Maybe I shouldn't be that way.
But, that is how I feel.


  1. Yes friendship is about being there when a friend is in need, about the hard times, about the sick times, about the bitching times. It's about being in your life when you don't want to be in it. Friendship should be there more than a spouse! The ups, the downs , the happy, the sad, the mad, the confused , and the excited times, its all about being your support and encouragement! Don't settle for anything less!

  2. People have weirdly changed over the last 20 years Ruth. I don't know what it is, but i went thru some serious and ongoing health issues this year, and my closest friends were the least of people I could count on, I got more support from the blogging community. People are just too damn self absorbed. Am sorry that your daughter is going thru this, and am more sorry that you have no one to turn to outside of your immediate family... I completely understand!

  3. @ Average Girl- Yes, I have gotten more from my online friends.
    @ SSW- That is exactly how I look at it. It's not always just about the good times.

  4. you need to find one of those friends, online or IRL, who you can go to when shit happens. when stress or anxiety overwhelm you & you just need to talk about it to someone who's not your husband or mom.
    the problem is finding that person. dang it.
    thanks for coming over & visiting. i'm sorry your daughter's had health stuff. is she your only one?

  5. Yes, she is my only one. I am glad. I don't know how easy I could have handled taking care of any more. Knowing me, I would not have done good at all.


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