Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Sometimes I Don't Want to be Grateful

We love in the grateful age.

Be grateful for truckers and farmers.
Be grateful it wasn't worse.
Be grateful for what you have.

There's the gratitude journal.
Come up with five things a day that you are grateful for.
It doesn't matter how small.
It is supposed to make you realize what you do have.

Sometimes I don't feel grateful.
Sometimes I feel sad or pissed about how everything is going,

Yes, I have a house.
It has bad wiring, a crumbling foundation, a roof that is in horribly sad shape among many other things and I can't afford to fix any of it.
Am I always grateful that I have a place to live?
Yes. And no.

My husband has an incurable disease and he will die from it and the treatment they have him on does not seem to be working.
I could be grateful that he didn't die this morning.
But, I am not.
I don't know how to turn this situation into something to be grateful for.

I think it is fine to not be grateful all the time.
Life sucks. Sometimes it sucks a whole lot.

It's like in "The Facts of Life" theme song.
You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and what do ya have? The facts of life.

It is good to be positive.
But, when things are shit, they are shit.

When your health is bad, it is okay to hate it.
I have heard from many people that they should be grateful that it isn't worse.
Why?

Feelings are feelings.
They aren't good or bad.
They just are what they are.

16 comments:

  1. Yeah, those people who say it could be worse usually have never experienced bad health like those they are talking to, so pfffffffffft to them. Can stuff their grateful sometimes.

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  2. Life does suck and some people have bigger degrees of suckness than others. I did keep a grateful log and do believe in it but I once wrote that I was grateful for seeing how much my life sucked at that moment and people can suck it. I was seeing a counsellor at that time and he loved that I wrote that. He told me that it's ok to be distressed because one can't be grateful, happy or joyful all the time. I am sorry to hear your husband has an incurable disease and no words can take away the pain you are experiencing. I just hope you have family and friends for good support

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    1. Birgit, that is awesome your counselor thought that.

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  3. I agree with all that you said.

    I'm sorry for all that you are going through. A few years back, (it wasn't illness) we were having some hard times, financially which leads to stress and just plain old, unhappiness. Thank God it did pass and now things are much better but I don't have any illusions, that we're on the upswing of life. I know there are good years and bad years and then years that totally SUCK. That is just the way, Life is.

    Of course, there are some people that make me gag - they always have everything great, happy...I just don't get it.

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    1. Debby, I just saw a friend of mine post on Facebook that we all choose within the first five minutes of the day whether it will be a good day or a bad day and she chooses good every day.
      Financial problems take a toll on a person in all kinds of ways. I am glad things are better for you right now.

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    2. Those people are annoying as hell. What happens if someone she's close to dies? Does she brush it off with a smile, because -after all- she chooses happy every day? (She sounds like a hippie-pothead to me, but that's cuz I'm surrounded by those folks in CA).

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    3. Robyn, she is a gun loving Republican who just became a US citizen. She does live in CA though.

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  4. It is hard to be grateful when there are lots of other things going on, like your husband's incurable disease, etc. I try to look at the little things to be grateful for, a house to live in, air conditioning (Phoenix its essential), money to buy food, etc. There are lots of negatives out there in life; sometimes as hard as it is, we need to see what the positives might be, even if there are just a few of them.

    betty

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    1. Betty, we do have to try and find some positives. I do agree with that. Sometimes you have to laugh or you are going to cry.

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  5. Exactly. I want to poke people's eyes out when they say "It could be worse, cheer up," and shit like that. Oh Ruth, I'm so sorry for all that you're dealing with. Sometimes, we gotta scream and cry. Do know you're cared for. I'm one of many who care about you and (because of you) your husband. Keep it real; it's the best way to live.

    Loving thoughts to you and your husband.

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    1. Thank you, Robyn. I appreciate it. I've been doing more job hunting cause he can't keep working forever. He really shouldn't right now.

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  6. There are times when grateful or ungrateful just don't factor into the solution, and words aren't helpful. The best I can give you is a long warm hug. Take care, sweet lady.

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  7. Oh wow. I'll send a big hug, too!

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Thanks for commenting.