It's a Bonding Thing

It's a big eye opener to come to the realization after over three decades on this earth that bonding is something you never really learned to do.

Really, I just don't bond well.

I didn't even feel that instant sense of connection that mothers are "supposed" to feel the moment their child comes into the world.
We have a good bond now.
But, after 14 years, that is how it should be.

I don't know how to open up and share the real me with people.

Even when I am down and people offer to listen to me, I just shy away from opening up.

Even when I write my blog.

Except in a few instances, I go so far and no farther.

When I grew up, I was taught not to share feelings.
No hugs and kisses.
No I love yous.
No differences in opinions allowed.

If my sisters or I ever said one thing in disagreement with the other we were told not to fight.
It wasn't a fight, it was just a different viewpoint.

My parents were really good at the clothing and shelter part of parenting.
But, there was never that sense of closeness either.

I do hate that I have seemed to carry that with me throughout my life.

I do remember trying to give a friend a hug once in sixth grade and she didn't like that.

I love hugs, but I just don't give them to hardly anyone.

Sometimes it makes me sad that I don't have any lifelong friendships.

But, other times I am completely fine with it.

Depends on the day or month, I guess.