So, Where Was I

It's been forever ago since I have posted anything on here.
So mush stuff has happened.

I am working full-time.
Honeyman has progressed to stage 5 kidney failure.
My dad now has severe emphysema and is on oxygen, congestive heart failure and stage3B kidney disease.
My mom just had a massive heart attack.
My father inlaw has been in the hospital for the last three months getting over a staph infection.

Life has been a hoot.

I never did get locked down or anything. My job is "critical to the infrastructure". I got a letter telling me so.My hours did get cut back though.
Honeyman got laid off cause of his medical condition while working in a hospital. That lay off became permanent a couple months later.
My hours are back now.

But, anywho...
I don't really have anything cheery to impart.
Most days it is good if I just get through it.

About That

Thanksgiving was decent.
Christmas was a little harder to get through..


After Sheila had her stroke, it was nothing but days of phone calls, messaging, facebook updates, trips to Iowa City to visit with my other sister because Sheila was not responsive, and stress.
It was that way for months.

We'd put out information for family on facebook. It was not a lie. But, it didn't tell the whole story.
So, a lot of people got the idea she was doing a lot better than she was.
She was in the brain injury part of the critical care unit. I don't know what people thought. But, they seemed to think she was talking and everything.
She might answer when she was roused.

The nurse said there was no telling if she would ever do more.
Eventually she did.
Then she didn't.

Two months from today will be the anniversary of her stroke. The day my family was changed.
I really meant to get this wrapped up sooner.
But, Thanksgiving came and I felt better.

My husband's health is getting worse. He has finally decided to work on his diet to see if that helps.
I know! It's about time!
His nephrologist wants to do another kidney biopsy. We will see. Husband is resistant.

My dad started off the new year by getting pneumonia. He went in the hospital and he is actually not smoking. He has smoked for 65 years and has emphysema. He is using the nicotine patches. But, he is quitting because it is getting too expensive. Not for health reasons. But, quitting is quitting.

And my uncle just had surgery for colon cancer. It has already spread to his liver.

Kiddo moved out into the big bad world in December.

I think all the changes going on could chill for a little bit so I can catch a breather.

But, that's how life goes...

That Was All She Wrote

My last fortune

This was the last thing my sister posted on Facebook before she had her stroke. It turned out to be very prophetic. She never had another fortune cookie.

Sheila was an amazing person.
Her religious belief was paganism.

It is a religion very much based in nature.

She had a lot of stress in her life, but would set it aside and help out if she could.

She also never thought she would live past the age of 36.
But, she did.
So, she quit counting after she hit 36.
She also became grateful for every year she got past that.

She stood up for herself and the people she cared about.
Some people took it wrong and thought she was hard or being a bitch.

She was never malicious, but would tell people the truth and some people didn't like hearing the truth.

She loved puns and the color purple and making jewelry and writing stories.

Every year on Facebook she would share this photo:

The Ides of March. This is also the day she fell.

 

When we got to the Surgical Neurosciences Intensive Care Unit, the drain lines were already in and they were trying to get her to respond.

I mentioned it being the Ides of March and she actually rolled her shoulders. 

 

Initially the drain lines were only supposed to be in for five to seven days. 

That didn't happen.

I Was OK Til I Cried

I guess all the stress of past events have taken their toll on me.

Honeyman says I need to talk to somebody. I don't have a whole lot of somebodies, so this can be my therapy.

He suggested my sister because we went through the same thing this year with our older sister. But, she is busy. She works long hours and after that she watches her twin grandsons a lot.

Friday was good. The three of us went to the Foo Fighters concert and had a good time. Saturday started out good. I was fine. Honeyman and I watched a movie and Kiddo was at work.

Then... I lost it. My daughter made a comment to me online and I got so upset. I don't even know why. It made no sense. I could not explain it to anyone.

I did a lot of crying that night and I cried off and on yesterday. Today, I am a little better.

It is not all that my sister died. I honestly believe that it was meant to be. It is not easy, but that is the way it goes.

But, so much stuff happened leading up to it and I handled it. There was nothing else to be done.

I am great in a crisis. I do what needs to be done.
There  will be time to think about it later.

I guess that time is now.

The 15th of this month will mark 8 months since Sheila's stroke. She had a severe rare type of stroke called a subarachnoid hemorrhage.  It was caused by an aneurysm.

My niece called Kiddo at 4:30 am because she didn't have my number anymore. She thought she needed to call my parents and sister, but I told her that I could do it.

So, I called.

By 7:00 am, my other sister and I were getting ready to head to Iowa City, where Sheila had been life flighted.

The University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics is massive so we had to make some phone calls to figure out where to go.

We were the first ones to arrive. We only had a couple hour drive and my brother-in-law had a four hour drive.

By the time we arrived, the drain lines were in to take the swelling off her brain. The front part of her hair had been shaved off.
She was unresponsive for the most part.
At this point, she would make a movement if she heard something that resonated with her or she'd grip a hand when asked to.

It was a long day. Another surgery was done to find the source of the hemorrhage.

This was only the beginning.

Excuse Me While I Have a Breakdown

I have to say that this year could use a serious do over.

From the beginning, my 2017 has been cursed.

I could not flush my toilet.
That is how my year started.
Tree roots grew into the septic drain line.

From there the ball kept rolling.

The steering wheel shaft went out on the truck.
Then, the left wheel bearing needed fixed.
Probably from driving the truck with no power steering.

Found out Honeyman's kidneys were getting worse and he had to see a nephrologist.

My oldest sister had a rare type of stroke.

Honeyman had a kidney biopsy.

And people are still arguing about Trump. EVERY DAY!

Sis went day to day and finally started to improve.

Honeyman got put on a high dose of Prednisone which helped the kidneys, but screwed up all kinds of other things.

Sis fell again and ended up dying.

Our health insurance decided months later, they were not going to cover as much of the biopsy and we could pay another $1200 of the bill.

And this weekend was completely awesome.
Yesterday was my birthday and the day before that would have been my sister's birthday which she shared with our dad.
He is still alive and is 76.
It was quite somber.

Talking about my sister helps me. Looking through pictures helps me.
But, sometimes it feels like she is the elephant in the room.
I guess that's okay.
I like elephants. I will talk to the elephant. I will discuss the elephant.

She'd probably like to be called a unicorn though.

Twitter is tough to be on. Her last tweet was a retweet of my raisin bread recipe.
Plus, she actually noticed my tweets.

I am getting tired of all the political rantings.
And people are getting their news from pictures with captions on social media.

And for the love of Pete, can we stop all this stupidity over the National Anthem and patriotism and taking a knee? How many people are complaining about not standing for it and are taking the playing of The Star Spangled Banner as an opportunity to go pee or get snacks?

Some days I am good. Other days I feel like I am going to crack.

I am already seeing the  "2017 has been a tough year, let's make 2018 a better year".
Quit doing this.
Every year I see this and the next year is worse.
It is like a challenge to the Gods: It's like You thought this was bad? I will show you bad.
And cause we are people and many people don't learn, this is what we get.

And Then There Were Two

There were three sisters.
The oldest was six years and one day older than the youngest one.

Now, there are just the two younger sisters.

Back in March, my oldest sister had a stroke.
After that a vasospasm.
Next came meningitis.

She made it all through that and went to rehab.
She got done with rehab and was waiting for her foot to heal completely before she was released to go home.

She was diabetic and had had foot surgery the year before and it was taking a long time to heal.

Only her foot never healed and she never got to come home.

She was allowed to be independent in her room.

Monday, July 24th, she fell in the bathroom and suffered a subdural hematoma.
She was flown to Mercy Hospital in Des Moines.

I was at an appointment with my husband so after it was over, we headed to the ER to see her.
I was taken to the consult room.
That is never a good sign.
Before the doctors came in, I got a call from my brother-in-law letting me know what they were going to say.

She was in a coma. Bleeding had occurred on the surface of the brain as well as the brain stem.
They could do surgery to get the blood on the surface, but nothing could be done for the brain stem. She'd probably never come out of the coma and she would be living on life support. Eventually, the injury to the brain stem would cause her organs to shut down and she would die regardless of the machines.

So, it was decided that we had to let her go.
Now or later, the outcome would be the same.
And she would not want to live on a feeding tube and ventilator.

Her husband drives a truck and he was out in Indiana.
So, she was kept stabilized until he got back.

A couple hours after he got back, she was taken off all life support.

Just after 10:00 pm, my oldest sister had died.

My sister was an organ donor and her organs were healthy so some of her organs were donated.

Tomorrow, a memorial is planned.
Im the fall, she will be planted.
She was cremated and she will be put into one of those tree urns and planted.
It's a weeping willow tree urn.

So, it's been a week.

Sometimes I Don't Want to be Grateful

We love in the grateful age.

Be grateful for truckers and farmers.
Be grateful it wasn't worse.
Be grateful for what you have.

There's the gratitude journal.
Come up with five things a day that you are grateful for.
It doesn't matter how small.
It is supposed to make you realize what you do have.

Sometimes I don't feel grateful.
Sometimes I feel sad or pissed about how everything is going,

Yes, I have a house.
It has bad wiring, a crumbling foundation, a roof that is in horribly sad shape among many other things and I can't afford to fix any of it.
Am I always grateful that I have a place to live?
Yes. And no.

My husband has an incurable disease and he will die from it and the treatment they have him on does not seem to be working.
I could be grateful that he didn't die this morning.
But, I am not.
I don't know how to turn this situation into something to be grateful for.

I think it is fine to not be grateful all the time.
Life sucks. Sometimes it sucks a whole lot.

It's like in "The Facts of Life" theme song.
You take the good, you take the bad, you take 'em both and what do ya have? The facts of life.

It is good to be positive.
But, when things are shit, they are shit.

When your health is bad, it is okay to hate it.
I have heard from many people that they should be grateful that it isn't worse.
Why?

Feelings are feelings.
They aren't good or bad.
They just are what they are.

Life Goes On

It's May and things are moving right along.
Sis is moving from one rehab facility to another at the end of this month.

I am getting MORE chickens. A guy who works with Honeyman has chickens pooping on his pool cover so he doesn't want them anymore.
I have no idea what kind. Apparently, there are six. Though, I am not sure. At first, it was four or five and now it is six. But, they are all hens and still lay eggs.

I am down to eight dozen chicken eggs in my fridge right now and about a dozen duck eggs.
So, I definitely need more layers.
No, wait.
I just checked and I have nine plus the partial dozen that I have been using.


I am working on my garden. My lettuce was starting to come up and now it is gone.
Darn bunnies! Or squirrels. Or whatever.

I have learned that Jimmy Johns uses a wee bit much lettuce when making their unwich.
It's a lettuce wrap sandwich.
Any sandwich can be made into an unwich. But, you really, really need to like lettuce or get a sandwich with lots of stuff to combat all the lettuciness.

I did survive Mother's Day at my mother's house. Her moods are unpredictable so I didn't know how things would go.
Stopped on the way home to visit Sis at rehab.

I made and took her some apple crisp, which she loved. She will not eat much. Apparently, the food is bad. She needs to eat to get better and I told her so. But, that does not appear to sway her.
But, she can have food brought in if it meets her diet.
The best part of yesterday was her thanking me. I asked her for what and she answered "Everything."

Crazy Days

Today, I am taking a lazy day.

The last couple of months have been mentally draining.

Honeyman got his diagnosis of IgA nephropathy. The antibodies that fight infection are causing problems with his kidneys. That is an autoimmune kidney disease and that in turn caused his failing kidneys. Right now, they are attempting to slow how fast they crap out.

Been taking several trips to see my sister. She will, hopefully, be headed to rehab shortly.

I started a fundraiser on youcaring.com to help with medical expenses.

This was taken this past Sunday and she is looking a lot better than she was.

This is my big sister, Sheila.

A couple days ago, I spent the day making noodles, mac and cheese, bread, and cookies to take to my brother-in-law and my nephew. It's nice to not have to worry about fixing a meal sometimes.
My daughter and I drove out and delivered it yesterday.

Sheila is the sister I have written about before. She has her own jewelry making business.
She has a published a short story and just finished the first draft on a full-length paranormal romance novel.
The couple days before her stroke, she had started working on edits.

This is all the stuff I have been doing.
I decided to take the day and no do a whole lot.
I have done a fair share of lounging around.

Sometimes you just gotta do that.

MIA For Good Reason

I had been struggling to fins my happy for quite awhile.
I didn't really want to post doom and gloom so I quit posting so much.

Just over a month ago, it was determined that my husband needed to finally see a specialist because of his lowering kidney function.
OK, we will deal with that.

A couple weeks later, I get a phone call.
My niece tells me that the doctors think my sister had a stroke and she had coded at the hospital.

This was March 15th~ the ides of March, which my sister always mentions on that day.

It was a subarachnoid hemorrhage, which is a rare type of stroke.
She has been in the SNICU since.

Make progress and step back, repeat.

Amidst this, my husband had his nephrologist appointment and was scheduled for an ultrasound and told that if that showed nothing, he would need a biopsy.
He went down and had to give a bunch of blood and urine samples.
Fast forward to next morning and the doctor calls and tells me he needs a biopsy right away cause he is passing a lot of blood.
He had the biopsy just a few days later.

We are still waiting on the results for the ultrasound and biopsy.

Things have been crazy lately so I have not written anything or barely even read anything blog related.

Twitter and Facebook are weird places to be without my sister around.

She is making progress. But, it is going to take a very long time and in the end she still won't be the same.
And I know, it could have been worse and I should be grateful for that. My husband has told me that several times.
Of course, he has never gone to see her so he didn't know how bad she looked for a while and I feel that I shouldn't have to be super positive either.
I am happy that she is making progress. But, it isn't easy to see her that way either.

Between that and Honeyman's kidney problems, I am just pretty emotionally spent. Makes it hard to be happy about a lot.

So, I Guess I am a Spoonie

That's what we are known as these days.
People with invisible, chronic, pain illnesses are either calling themselves warriors or spoonies or both.

As people with these conditions, we are all tethered together.
We understand what others do not.

Except... I really don't get the spoonie thing.

You can read about The Spoon Theory to get more of an idea of what it is. But, in a nut shell, it is a theory that every day someone with a chronic illness has so many spoons they can use and when the spoons have been used up, you are done for the day.

What I find confusing is that people are now saying you use up so many spoons for this and so many for that.
Also, you might get up Monday with six spoons and Tuesday you have twelve. Wednesday, you might only have three.
And some people use up all their spoons for that day and borrow from the next day.
And there is the whole thinking you have plenty of spoons for the day and BAM! they are gone. Spoons went away for no reason.

Everybody talks about spoons. I cannot be the ONLY  person not getting the spoonie thing.
I am not even sure the lady that wrote the theory meant for it to get blown up so big.
It was a simple analogy and now people are spoonies.

It is supposed to be about knowing your limits and choosing wisely.
But, how do you know from day to day?
And, sometimes, hour to hour?

I guess when I am out of spoons, you can just stick me with a fork cause I am done.

Funny Pic of the Day

Don't we all feel like this some days?

Why I Voted Third Party

I have heard all the crap there is.
Anything other then voting democrat or republican is a wasted vote.
You will let Trump win.
You will let Hillary win.

Unbeknownst to many. third party voters aren't stupid.
We know we aren't going to win.

The deck has been stacked against a third party for many, many years.
Do you really think the two major parties want a competitor?

My reason for voting differently is because there are things I don't like in either side.
I am trying to fight for the future.

The thing is you can't keep doing things the same way and expect things to change.
By keeping the same two major party system, that is what we are doing.

If 5% of the voting population voted for one of the other parties, that party would receive $10 million in federal campaign funds next election cycle.
If 20% voted, that party would be able to take part in debates and would not have to fight every state to get put on the ballot.

Yes, I do know that it would take a lot to get people to vote for a loser.
Nobody likes to vote for a loser.

Republicans have already said they won't work with Clinton if she wins and it will probably be the same way for Democrats if Trump wins.

It is going to be a stalemate, much like under Obama.

People talk about how this election is too important and the Supreme Court and all that.
But, everything is broken.

The Supreme Court needs nine justices and one died. The Senate decided not to let anyone that Obama nominated to even get hearings.
Congress can't even do their job.
But, some people thought that was great because Obama is a terrible president.

Maybe I am deluding myself.
I try and tell people about why third party voting can make a difference and they get quiet or tell me how wrong I am.

My Thoughts on the Election

This whole political process is so drawn out.
Was the Iowa caucus only 8 months ago?

But, I guess there was the year and a half before that of campaigning.

The election season/cycle lasts so long.
I am so ready for it to be over.

I don't say a whole lot about it.
I don't understand people's reasoning for a lot of things.
That's OK.
I am sure they would say the same of me.

I do know when you get down to the bare bones of it, we all want the same things.
We want to be free to say and do what we want.
We want to be able to take care of ourselves and our loved ones.

That being said, I have some thoughts about the election and the top two choices we have.


Maybe Trump should get elected. Big business runs the government anyway, Why not have a business man in charge? Besides, I am sure he and his people will figure out someway for the US to file bankruptcy protection.

Why is Clinton corrupt and a liar and yet Trump is not? Both have done a lot of shady things and neither has been convicted of anything. And how do you know Trump is not a liar? Cause everyone can always spot a liar.

As far as sexual allegations go, if you have never been raped, sexually assaulted, or molested, shut your pie hole about waiting to tell or what the person looks like.  Cause you don't have a clue. This is not just for this election. But, it does pertain.

Not fond of Clinton's choice of fashion. But, also not fond of The Donald's facial expressions.

I don't wanna be a nasty woman.

If you can have dead man walking, why not dead man voting?

People need to quit thinking they are voting for the good one and the other is the worst thing ever.
They both have issues.

Lastly, this election is so much bigger than just who is going to be president. There is Congress and state legislatures and judges, etc, etc..

Everyone has to work together and compromise, but no one wants to do that.
My way or the highway is the new motto and it's all a mess.

It Would Be Good

I always really liked this song.

Of course, the song is about a person thinking his life is shit and wants what others have.

My life is not a peach, but I don't think I would trade places with someone else.

Everybody has their own thing goin' on that most people never see.

Still, I will sing it every time I hear it.

It's My Choice

Just knowing he was president would make me feel all warm. Just like I was wrapped up in a cozy blanket.

Giving Thanks

We are supposed to thank truckers, nurses, CNAs, and soldiers.
We are supposed to thank wait staff in the form of a 20-25% tip.

But, today I want to thank the unsung heroes.
The writers of satire sites that people take as fact.
the writers of quotes people were supposed to have said and didn't really.
the makers of memes that lie completely.

Why do I thank them?

They have made me a smarter, more informed person.

I learned Obamaphones are part of the Lifeline phone program signed into law by Ronald Reagan and was expanded into cellphones under George W. Bush.
That universal fee charge on your phone bill.
That is what that is.
Because when companies are made to pay for things, they make the consumer pay for it.

I learned that Will Rogers first used the term trickle down economics as derogatory.
Ronald Reagan spun it into a good thing for the people.

People are not sticking food up their vaginas or buttholes in Walmart.
No, I really did not have to research this.
But, I did check out News 8 Now and they are just one of many sites popping up with fake news.
I know some people know this is fake.
But, I also know too many people that share this stuff and seem to believe it is real.
Which is really sad that people will believe all that stuff.

Yes, I do look up quotes.
In more than one place.

I am tellin' you.
My noggin is so full of this stuff, one day it will explode.

I know guideline for EBT and TANF, which is known as foodstamps and a welfare check.
I know what Bt corn is. Bt is a toxin put into field corn annd it makes the stomachs of insects explode. Enjoy those corn chips.
I know what the fines are for the ACA and that you can be exempted.
I know that Jackie Kennedy hung that "Muslim" curtain in the white house.
I know that Hillary Clinton had flags during the DNC convention just like Donald Trump did at the RNC convention. Digital screens.

What does this mean?
Three things:

I spend too much of my time researching things.
People believe what they want to believe.
Some people like to start things.

And Life Goes On

But, if it has taught me anything, it is that I am a survivor.

A few weeks ago I went to the rheumatologist and got tried on another NSAID, which I reacted to badly.
I really don't do well on many meds.

My kidney function was also tested, and while the doctor deemed it satisfactory, it is lower than it should be for my age.

Since my husband has chronic kidney disease, I know a bit about lower kidney function.

So, I made the decision to try doing things the natural way.
Anti-inflammatory foods, supplements, the whole nine yards.
Doing stretches and moving a lot too.

Going cold turkey on the Meloxicam isn't working too well.
But, I have quit taking it every day.

The supplements are a work in progress because I am broke.
That's going to take longer to get everything I need.

I am sort of in a catch 22.
Inflammation can destroy tissue in the body, but the meds can do other damage.

I am looking into the low starch/no starch diet for ankylosing spondylitis and most everything I planted in the garden is a no-no for the no starch.
Of course.
And I don't know about testing everything for presence of starch.
Even sweet potatoes have too much starch and those are supposed to be anti-inflammatory.

In other news, my limp toward the loan finish line has slowed to a crawl.
But, dammit, I am going to make it.
4 payments, People!

My husband and I celebrated our anniversary August 29th and noticed it's a death magnet date.
The year we got married, Princess Diana died. Technically, her death date is the 30th, but our time it was still the 29th.
Last year my uncle died on our anniversary and this year it was Gene Wilder.
Makes me want to go back and see who else died on that date.

Honeyman, as I mentioned above, has chronic kidney disease.
Since Lisinopril is hard on kidneys, he got a different blood pressure med.
Lisinopril is an ACE inhibitor, which is recommended to help kidney function.
But, Lisinopril can also be damaging to them.
I would never recommend anyone take that medicine. 

The worst part, is between the Lisinopril and his water pill, his blood pressure was good.
But, he can't take them and other bp meds either make him swell up or don't work so well.

Yeah, I got a fair amount of stress goin' on.

Here is me holding Coo Baby. I call her that because she coos when she is talked to.

The Ups and The Downs

I have been all over the map lately.

I am getting so sick of all the negativity.
It's everywhere.
All over online and in my home.

Online people are just bashing everybody for everything.
And I mean everything.

It is depressing.
Even when the person seems to think they are being funny.
But, they ain't Joan Rivers and it ain't funny.

My husband is not what you would call a content person.
He always sees the negative.
And that can be wearing.

And of course now he is having kidney problems.
They have had to change his blood pressure meds a couple times and take him off his water pill.
Hopefully that will stop them from getting worse.
But, whatever damage has been done is still there.

We are almost done paying off the truck.
End of the year.
Then we can attack other bills and put some money back.
That will be nice.
And if I want to buy a pair of pants, I don't have to mentally calculate whether it is doable.

That's the downside of getting a lower paying job when you still have the bills of a higher paying job.

The pullets will start laying soon.
Not sure how long the roosters are going to last around here.
Dewey could be meaner, but he is still a bit of a turd.
Moe is more laid back.

My diet is still not back to where it should be.
I mean, I am still not eating gluten. I am adverse to stabbing abdominal pains.
But, my beverage choices aren't so great.

Sometimes I just don't care.
I really don't.

I need to get back to posting more regularly on both of my blogs.
But, I don't know if that is going to happen.

I feel better when I post.
Finding the time is hard.
Making the time is hard too.

Lately all I really feel like posting is about crap that I just hate.
But. I don't want Welcome to Me to turn into a blog I don't want to read.

I am trying to find my focus.
I'm not sure were it went.

Cause I am Smart

Sometimes I want to want to ask people why do you work there?
Why do I ask?
Why do I even tell you things?

Take where my daughter works.
I could run that kitchen better than the person in charge.
I do understand profit margins. But, I also understand how to run a kitchen.

Where my husband works, all payroll stuff is online.
Stubs, tax forms, benefit stuff to fill out.
A while back they got hacked and the website address changed so I could not access it.
All I wanted was to be able to get to it.
They just changed my password.
What the hell is that going to do?
They seem to think that all I need is the main page and it doesn't work that way.
Since that site is who they go through, shouldn't they know that?
So, I did a search and found the address myself.
I guess I should have just done that to begin with instead of figuring they knew what they were doing.

Two of my lady chicks turned out not to be ladies.
Yep, I gots me a couple roosters.
When I first told Honeyman, he asked me if I was sure.
The combs and wattles on them and none of the other eight would seem to be a sign.
Don't you think?
Now, we've got crowing action and the romancing of the pullets.

I may just be one of the smartest people on the planet.
You know what that means?

It means that I will never be in charge of anything.